In a prior blog post
you were asked to take some time to identify 10 Values that are important to you as you live your life. Remember that you may not be fully living into these Values in the way you would like, or even believe possible at this point. Remember that it is one thing to know and not yet be there, but more of struggle to be moving in the wrong direction without knowing at all.
In this email you will look at identifying some of your barriers to your actions that should be guided by your Values. We will also look at ways to move beyond those barriers.
Many of our barriers are based in thoughts and feelings that are trying to keep us on the “safe path” even if it is taking us away from our Values to places of unworkable actions and dissatisfied living.
For Example: For many of younger years I wanted to be more social (a good, but distant desire) and yet I often found myself alone and afraid to put myself out there for fear of rejection. At that time, I had unidentified and unmet Values of Connection, Compassion, and Curiosity, and my desire of being more social was not a goal aligned with any Value. I did not know the real solid reasons that I had that desire or what I could do the move towards those Values.
My feelings and thoughts were telling me that I would be safer at home watching television, avoiding eye contact, and generally doing things that weren’t very social. That worked fine for my perceptions of safety and rejection avoidance, but I was surviving, not living, becoming more anxious, and dissatisfied with my life at that point (although I hid it).
Workable action for my life came from realizing that this was an unworkable feedback loop. My actions were not in line with my values and were making my life less vital and more dissatisfying. I like people and I wanted to have connection, show compassion, learn about, and help others, and here I was at home watching TV safe and miserable.
Let’s look start looking at ways to figure out aligning Actions with Values by answering these questions!
Where are your actions out of alignment with one or several of your Values that you listed?
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If you are stumped here are some helpful questions for this exercise:
What do I need more of right now?
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“Where do I feel I could do better with my values?
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What do I need less of?
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What am I yearning for?
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What am I starving for?”
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Who or what is causing me to feel resentful and why?
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Another piece to look at is where are your actions in line with your listed Values?
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The Second part of this exercise is to take some time to identify what actions can be taken to move in the Direction of Your Values and what feelings or thoughts will occur and will come with those actions.
If I took one or more different actions today to move towards my Values what would it/they be?
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What is the emotion or thought that comes to mind that is compelling you away from that Value? (that is the emotion or thought that you will have coming with you when you move in the direction of your Values) (could be anxiety or it could be Joy or any number of other emotions)
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If you are not moving in the direction of your Values, then a feeling or thought may be telling you not to. When I finally decided to work on being more social it was not an easy decision, but staying where I was, was worse.
For Example: If you are wanting to express, your compassion Value by volunteering in a shelter, but you are afraid of some sort of emotional discomfort then that feeling will likely dictate your actions if you allow it too. If you listen to the feeling and its prompting, you will likely continue to exist slightly outside of your Value of compassion and dissatisfied. Allowing that feeling or thought to just be there and going the help at the shelter anyway often reveals that the feeling or thought had very little merit or reality to it.
In fact other thoughts and feelings will likely also come that are more in alignment with your Value. Those thoughts and feelings can be a noisy back seat driver if allowed. It is like the annoying guest in my Blog titled “Why Men Aren’t Anxious about Anything”the party or just allow to be and go enjoy the party.
Let’s go enjoy the party! See the next email for helpful suggestions to move forward from surviving to living by setting goals aligned with the Values you have identified and address those pesky back-seat driver emotions and thoughts!
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Gene is Husband to the amazing Daleasha, Father to the amazing Daisy, Nate, and Silas, lover of Christ, licensed counselor, ordained pastor, writer, and artist. Gene is originally from Veneta, Oregon and currently resides in Washougal, Washington. As Therapist in both local Eugene agencies, as well as private practice for 15 years, and as a Lead Pastor in Springfield Oregon for 5 years ( along with many other church based ministry roles thru the years) Gene has a heart for those that are both in the spiritual and mental healing professions. As an artist Gene focuses on sculpture and functional art items that take up space and have to be noticed.
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